Cambodia!

16th February

I'm almost embarrassed that it's taken me this long to getting round to writing a final update!!! Im now at Newcastle University studying medicine. I am enjoying the course, but it was definately hard to come back and get back into learning again. I think of the children all the time, and hope to go back and see them one day.

I left the village on the 16th July. It was heartbreaking to leave the children, and they threw us an amazing goodbye party the night before we left. They made us a cake, many of the children gave us flowers and paintings that they had done, and we danced until early hours of the morning (well 10pm, they kept the electricity on for us!) I then had a sleepover with some of the girls, with a few nibbles and chat! 

The next morning, ma yey, the cook gave me a pot full of prahok (fish,peanuts,spices etc...) to keep me going, which was amazing!

The journey to Phnom Penh was horrible, and kind of didn't hit any of us that we had left for good. We then stayed the night in Goldiana, a treat for us all, and had a day of laziness in the city. 

Me and Ruth the set off on our travels. We started by heading to Kratie to see the famous river dolphins, and then headed out to Mondulkiri along a dirt track in a pick up truck for 6 hours.  Here we stayed in a nice bungalow, and then set off into the jungle for a night; where we travelled on an elephant, washed in rivers and waterfalls, and then stayed the night with a native Khmer Hmong family - the hill tribes who speak a different language. It was an amazing experience.

We then travelled up to Ratinikiri, where I was amazed and impressed by the huge market. We also saw a gorgeous crater lake, and several amazing waterfalls.

Next we went into Laos, spent one chilled out night on Don Det in a bungalow, and then headed to Pakse. From here we caught public transport out to try and see some waterfalls; walked for a while onl to find it was too foggy to see anything! It was strange to be in Laos and not be able to converse with the locals anymore than any other tourist. I also found Laos kind of devoid of atmosphere compared to Cambodia, there were much fewer people around on the streets, and people didn't call out to you as you walked around!

After Pakse, we caught a night bus up to Vientiane, (with beds on it!) and then caught a bus straight to Vang Vieng. Tubing, with beer, in a beautiful setting. Its a strange place in the middle of nowhere, completely full of tourists high on all sorts of drugs and alcohol; normally soaking wet and muddy from tubing down the river! 

From here we travelled north to Luang Prabang, another very touristy city full of monks, and very laid back. We spent a  lot of time at the very nice night market, and wandering round the temples. We also spent a day kayaking in the gorgeous surroundings!

Next back to Vientiane where we spent a day weaving and dying silk. Then flew back to PHnom Penh to save time.

Had a hectic few days with crazy amounts for all the things that we wanted to take home, and seeing all the people we could possibly see.

Writing this now is a very strange experience for me because everything seemed to happen so quickly at the time, and now i'm reliving it. The flight home passed uneventfully, except for me nearly missing my connection in Hong Kong. Cming home was much of a whirlwind, and very hard to adapt to having everything again and seeing loads of people who I hadn't seen in a long time.

The first thing that really struck me was looking outside at 8pm and it still being light. I had completely forgotten that it didn't get dark at 6pm for everyone!!!

I've adjusted slowly back to English life, but I neevr forget the chidlren and people who were so important to me in Cambodia (see below for my notes on that!)

Thank you everyone who supported me and helped me have the most amazing time of my life!!!

Anya

10th september,

updates coming soon, i will try and uploasd my newsletters and I plan to write a last one, but here is an excerpt from my community report for those who are interested. i have written about some very important people.

FACES OF CAMBODIA

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never, ever forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelo

Introduction

 Although my love for Cambodia incorporates all aspects of life: the culture, food, language, landscape and climate;  it is the people I have met here that have had the most profound influence on me. I have never met a race of more generous, welcoming and happy people; it is the relationships I made here that made this a country I can call home.

It is for this reason that I want to introduce to you just a handful of very special and unique people. I will endeavor to remember every one of the Cambodian people I have met - but I have had to limit it to one person for each month I spent here. Each of the people in this book played a huge part in my time in Cambodia and had a huge influence on me; I will never forget my extended Cambodian family.

My appreciation, love and thanks go to all those who made me feel so welcome in a place far from home.

ps. It wasn't until a fellow volunteer's mum pointed out that all we talked about was food, that I started to think about how important Cambodian food is to me! I realised that I spend every moto ride eagerly eyeing up the street food , although the frustrating thing is that usually you can't find something when you want it.  Then I remembered that my February newsletter included two A4 sides about, well mainly, desserts. Therefore, as an addition - find a dish or snack included for every month. I hope to remind my taste-buds, and hopefully awaken yours, to the flavours of Cambodia that I love so much.

November – Koomsat

“One trouble with trouble is that it usually starts out like fun”

As a newcomer to Cambodia, overwhelmed and bewildered, it is not difficult to remember who made an impression on me the first day I was here. It is often the youngest children who are most forth-giving, and I can't forget the first child who ran up to me, arms outstretched.  He may not have realised the significance, but in doing this Koomsat put me at ease in unfamiliar surroundings, and immediately made himself very special to me. Over the time I have been here, a strong bond has built up between us.

As he runs into my arms with a mischievous grin from ear to ear, I am easily decieved, however, the menacing glint in his eye allows me to see past the welcoming grin, and warns of trouble to come. Never happy unless he's doing something forbidden, I spent a lot of time chasing him back to where he should be. I have never met a child so young who is so determined to defy rules at every corner. Often I find Koomsat, naked and wandering alone, far from his home. Although worried that one day he will stray too far, I can't help but admire his unfailing determination to break free and explore all there is to see. It is however disturbing that such fiery independence at such a young age may lead to a lonely childhood.

It is true that Koomsat finds interaction with other children difficult and in nursery often leaves a path of destruction and crying children in his wake. Coincidentally, I recently learnt that his name means 'lonely' in Khmai. I find it disturbing that naming a child this at birth seems eerily accurate, as he appears to be a very lonely child. I find it distressing to watch the other children gang up against him, though he does seem very keen to upset others. When I have time to give him some individual attention he can be a very happy and contented, though still mischievous, child. It is this child that I fell in love with, and I hate to see him so angry and destructive with other children. I wish that I could give him the love and support he craves.

Around three months after I arrived, Koomsat's father came to visit, and I was asked to take Koomsat to him. I do not know the reasons that Koomsat was bought to NHCC, but when I tried to hand Koomsat over to his father, he began to scream and cling to me; I had never seen him in such a state. Eventually I left him with the village chief, but later found out that his dad had come to take him home. Fortunately, due to suspected abuse, his father wasn't permitted to take him back, and so Koomsat remained at the village. After this he was very attached to his carer, cried when he arrived in nursery and became very withdrawn and detached. He would have phases where he would sit and gaze into the distance, unmoved by anything anyone said or did. I watched him during this time, and tried to offer some reassurance, but I felt increasingly helpless. It hurt me to watch him suffer, and to know that the one thing he needed so badly, I couldn't offer him. It is heartbreaking to see how painful meeting his father was, and that he was so damaged by it at such a young age. It took time for him to recover, but gradually the old, troublesome Koomsat did return; though I sometimes still see flashes of a more withdrawn child, and this does still worry me.

There is nothing more rewarding than taking him out and spending time alone together, as he thrives off the chance to explore anywhere new, and nothing matches the enthusiasm of a child at new experiences.  The wicked smile and impish eyes will stay with me forever, as he silently dares me to challenge him. It pleases me to know that he is settled with his carer, and he is also very protective of the younger baby in his house. This shows the love he can offer another child, and I hope that he learns to make friends and how to treat other children before he gets into too much trouble. Hopefully the stability he now has will help him to recover from his past, and he can move on.

Nom Som Cheyk

The typical Cambodian sweet - banana wrapped in sticky rice, steamed or barbecued and served in a banana leaf. One of the first things you will enjoy upon arrival in Cambodia.

December – Srey Mom

“Laughter is the spark of the soul”

January – Srey Neang

“Kindness is a language the dumb can speak, and the deaf can hear and understand.” Mark Twain

My love for her started the first night at NHCC, when we danced into the night together after I encountered her happily dancing solo up next to the speakers. It wasn’t until the next day that I found out the reason she was practically on the speakers is that she is profoundly deaf, and cannot hear the music otherwise. She is a very open and easy to love child, and for the next few weeks would come and seek me out at every opportunity. I always looked forward to the moment her eyes would peer in my window, and very quickly fell in love with her.

One day in December I was present when her sister arrived to visit. It was a heartbreaking sight to watch her sob in her sister’s arms; but even worse was watching the tears stream silently down her face the next day after her sister had left. I found her like this and held her until she calmed down. After this, she was slightly clingy and came everywhere with me. I cannot imagine how it must be to feel such strong emotions yet have a means to express them, and it is not hard to understand why she is sometimes violent or disruptive. I, however, never had a problem with this, and only realised how much more she needed someone to take care of her as their own.

After Christmas, I began to take her for some individual lessons, because she was unable to go to school or have any sort of education. We did some basic signs, counting and drawing and she absolutely loved having somebody spend some time with her. She would collect me everyday, even at the weekend, and her enthusiasm never waned during lessons. Teaching her was an absolute pleasure, and I probably looked forward to it as much as she did; she was easily the most willing of my students, and possibly the most grateful.

During this time Srey Neang was administered two hearing aids, although they didn’t seem to make much difference, and only irritated her. A little later, she also moved house, and was then around many younger children, who didn’t mind that she seemed different. In contrast to her previous isolation, she suddenly had many friends and was less interested in our lessons than before. Although I missed her company, I was much happier knowing that she had people to play with, and it was equally pleasing to spend time watching her run around chasing her new friends. I was proud to watch her develop into a much more contented and less troublesome child.

Once I heard that there were plans to send her to a school for the deaf in September, I abandoned our lessons in favour of letting her spend time in creative play. Although this decision will mean she has to leave the village and people she knows, it will increase her opportunities and quality of life hugely. I was overjoyed to find out that she is going to have the chance for an education, not least the chance to learn a method of communication beyond the sign language she has developed herself.  It took me a while to realise how far she had come, usually managing to convey her thoughts, with no formal teaching at all, which is extremely impressive. Recently, a deaf woman came to visit, and initially Srey Neang was very reserved and nervous, but when she realised that there were other people like her, she was very excited and keen to pick-up a few more signs. I hope that the changes that will coincide with her starting school will not affect her too much, and she enjoys learning there as much as did with me. Her optimistic, sunny disposition has not yet been beaten, and I hope that she stays the loving, carefree child I fell in love with.

Nom Banchanouik

Ridiculously sweet yet delicious from the first mouthful - you can’t help but love this mouthwatering dessert.

-   Take rice flour and mix with a little water to make a paste.

-   Cook yellow mung beans, and make dumplings rolling mung beans inside white flour

-   Boil the dumplings, and then cool in cold water

-   Serve in a coconut and palm sugar sauce

-   Enjoy every mouthful

February – Phallin

“Jealousy is a tiger that tears not only its prey but also its own raging heart.”

Being dressed as an elf is strange enough in itself but in a country where Christmas is only celebrated in Christian NGO’s, the sight of a white person in an elf costume must seem very bizarre. This was how Phallin first saw me when she began to work for NHCC on Christmas Day 2008.

Fresh out of school, aged eighteen, a girl so tall for a Cambodian it’s almost awkward; she was shy and nervous around me to begin with. I moved into her house in January, and she lost some of her inhibitions as curiosity got the better of her. She began to spend her evenings in my room, examining my belongings and bombarding me with questions. These sessions were a muddle of fumbled sign language, mispronounced Khmer and her timid attempts at english. However, they formed the basis of a strong friendship, and provided much entertainment along the way. I felt very accepted by her, and this made things a lot easier at the start of my stay. She was my first friend of the same age, and it was nice to have someone to relax with in the evenings.

Some time later, she asked me if I would teach her English. Phallin possess a deep desire for learning, stemming from the fact that she had to leave school early and get a job to support her parents. She hasn’t yet lost sight of her ambitions to finish her education and go to university. She is extremely intelligent, and very angry at the circumstances which mean she can’t finish her schooling. Some nights I would find her studying textbooks by torchlight, and she would try to conceal this from me. The least I could do was pass on a skill she would want: English. We started lessons in the evenings, though Phallin insisted the door was locked, and should anyone enter, al the books would be swept under the bed and hidden from view. Although I didn’t really understand her reasons for this, I didn’t question it, and or lessons were good fun; she was eager and learnt quickly. To keep the balance of our friendship I also asked her to teach me Khmer, and she was happy to laugh at my pronunciation as she pointed things out to me. Once we’d finished lessons we would lie and chat, and she would relate her dreams where she was able to go to school. Occasionally, she would mention the differences between us, and that i was able to go and home and return to education. She was jealous, not just of me, but of the children she cared for, and their opportunities. She couldn’t understand how they could become so callous about learning, and yearned to join in the lessons.

Early on in our friendship, I came into our house to find the two babies crying and waiting to be showered, unattended. I showered them, and later found out that Phallin had been unwell and had to leave them briefly. Terrified that I would get her fired, she explained repeatedly what had happened, and pleaded for me not to report her; throughout I was trying to reassure her that I had no intention of doing so. For a few days following, she tiptoed around me, until I hoped I had convinced her that I was on her side, and spy placed into her house. Now she will often let me help with the babies; it gives her some much needed relief and I really ejoy it. This was a huge step, because she didn’t want to be seen as slacking by letting me do some of the work. By proving that I was happy to do the same work as her, I feel I gained her respect, and bridged the gap between us slightly. I felt much happier I was allowed to work within the house, and not just treated as a guest. When you are being yelled at to do things in Khmer, you rapidly figure out what they mean.   Once Phallin had accepted me, many other members of staff viewed me as her friend, and an equal. This meant that I was able to eat with all the Khmer staff, and no longer waited on and served different food. This was a huge step for me, and made me so much more comfortable within the community. Eating is a huge part of life in Cambodia, and very social, and I became part of an inner circle; trusted almost as much as a Khmer person.

Despite all the advances we made, and how close we became, our friendship was constantly tainted by her jealousy of the opportunities and freedom I have. She began to make excuses not to have English lessons, though she is still thirsty for knowledge. Everytime I leave the village, she is angry with me because she doesn’t have the same freedom. However, often when I return she welcomes me with open arms, and tells me how much she has missed me. As the youngest carer, I think she is quite lonely and longs for friends her own age, and in spite of our differences, she does view me as a close friend. I once bought her a bag of sweets as a present; she was overjoyed at the prospect, and very grateful. She saved them for months, until her next visit to her family, and shared them out. This highlighted the differences between us, although the same age, she saves every penny she owns to give to her family, and is so grateful for everything.

Our relationship is very fragile - some days I feel completely integrated and accepted, yet often I feel like a complete outsider. Phallin has a lot of control over whether the others welcome me, and if she is feeling spitefully jealous then she has the power to isolate me. I understand why she is jealous of me, and wish that I could give her just some of the opportunities we take for granted. It saddens me that the complete contrast of our lives has affected how well we get on.

Unfortunately for my last month working with her, Phallin has found her jealousy too much, and not spoken to me at all. I think this is because she knew I was leaving to go to university, and after finally trusting me she is hurt that I am leaving. I hope she knows how much she means to me, and how important she was in helping me integrate into the community. She is possibly the closest friend I made in Cambodia, and I valued that friendship extremely highly, and I am sad that we parted the way we did. I hope she comes to trust others, and takes advantage of any chances she can get to learn.

Mangoes

Eaten whenever they’re on the tree they can be sweet, sour or anything in between, but you come to love them all. Eaten with ground chilli and salt it is easy to become dependent on these as a frequent snack.

March – Kim Hong

April – Srey Neang

“Don’t be afraid of opposition; remember a kite flies against the wind, not with it.”

Squeals of delight as she is chased and tackled to the ground, two girls dissolving into a heap of giggles. Exhausted they lie still, whispering hurriedly before falling asleep in each other’s arms. I watch in admiration and pride at the magic in front of me.

It wasn’t always like this. Four months ago I visited a thin and malnourished girl, who was blind in one eye, in the NHCC Transitional home. Later that day, Srey Neang was moved into my house. Self conscious of her facial scars and reluctant to join in with others, she withdrew into a shell and became the shadow of the house, always cowering in the background.

Having never encountered a white person before, she was very wary of me, and astounded when I offered her an orange on her first evening. Fearfully, she kept the orange in her wardrobe for a few days before giving it to another child. Hoping that this was not representative, I felt protective over Srey Neang very early on. Possibly because she was the first child to move into my house after me, I felt very responsible for her and disappointed at how little effort the other children made.

Initially, I believe that Srey Neang approached me because she was jealous that the other children got so much attention from me, and her curiosity got the better of her. Every evening, all the other girls would come and hug me good-night; Srey Neang wasn’t comfortable with affection, though she was clearly brimming with envy that the others got this treatment. One night, some time later, she momentarily brushed her fingers across my hand as a good-night gesture. I was very moved by this, and knew how much it had taken for her to get to that point. Despite the huge step she’d taken, Srey Neang still felt very jealous of the other children, and insecurely accused me of loving them more than her. This caused her to fall out with another girl, Srey Mom, as they would vie for my attention. I tried to treat them equally, but it escalated to a point where they couldn’t both be in my presence at the same time. In competition with Srey Mom, Srey Neang extended her good-night greeting to a hand squeeze, or even the very occasional, momentary hug. I was pleased that she seemed to be comfortable with that, and felt our connection deepening as she opened herself up a little more.

At age fourteen, Srey Neang is only in grade two, and we spend many evenings together practising reading and writing; her pretending that she doesn’t know it so that I can help her. I love these sessions (though we both know the book inside out), curled up together on her bed, and leaving us both free to discuss other topics. Perhaps I am considered protective older sister, but after weeks of struggling on certain topics, I felt immense pride when she finally understood. When it came to her, I had endless time to spare and patience when explaining concepts. This is partially due to her burning desire to learn and enthusiasm for all knowledge. She is one of the only children who openly expresses her frustration at the circumstances which meant she couldn’t go to school. She is constantly inquisitive and questions things that don’t occur to many of the other children, for example who funds the orphanage, and how aeroplanes work? None of the other children seem to worry about things like this, and I am continually impressed by her awareness of the world, as well as in awe of her resilience and individuality. 

As she lost her inhibitions around me, she felt confident enough to examine my possessions, which seemed so foreign and unfamiliar. The camera was a prime target as she observed that everyone seemed to love having their photo taken. From being self-conscious of photos showing her scarring, Srey Neang became obsessed with taking photos. In a similar way she quickly became accustomed to many of the previously alien material goods that are present in the orphanage.

As we got closer, Srey Neang would occasionally hint at part of her past and on day she told me her life story, after having refused to tell the NGO workers when they inquired. Her mother and father died while she was young, and she lived with her aunt. Her aunt handed over care of her son to Srey Neang who was also expected to do all the housework, cooking and sell firewood to make money. Shortly after, her aunt also died, and she moved to live with her grandmother. Here she had to earn her own money in many different means to fund her education, and feed them both. After an accident which resulted in loss of sight in one eye, she was bought to NHCC. Horrified, yet amazed at her resilience, it meant a lot that she could bring herself to tell me these things. At the time, she didn’t seem to need any comfort,  but a few days later I found her crying, though she denied it, and when questioned, she admitted she missed her mum. I lay with her for a while, but she hated to seem vulnerable, and quickly brushed me off. At this time, I felt very angry at the world for making one small child suffer so much, and I also felt so helpless in the face of adversity.

On the outside, Srey Neang is an independent, confident and witty girl, but her pain can be glimpsed beneath the surface. I remember an occasion where I watched her entertain an entire group of children, from a hiding place, and I felt myself swell with pride at the changed child in front of me. I consider myself partly responsible for her, and admire the way she unfalteringly states her opinion, regardless of the consequences. The only time I’ve seen her falter, when we encountered a young boy who was also blind in one eye, and Srey Neang was astonished that she was not alone. This gave her an enormous confidence boost, and she began to feel less inhibited in public.

No single child had the same effect on me as Srey Neang did. She is my friend, sister and daughter, and I don’t know how I will be able to leave her behind. The complete change which has let a frightened and reserved young girl grow into a entertaining, contented young woman, has happened before my eyes, and I still find it hard to believe. Unfortunately held back by circumstances, this bright and aware child should go far, and I hope that she remains individual and unafraid to state her point of view. I admire so much of her strength, yet her pain is still so raw I wish I could do more.

Rambutan

The menacing looking spikes decorating the outside are easily pushed aside to reveal a tender, juicy treat.

May - Luckanee

“The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. it is the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rain and the scorching sun.”

I had heard about Luckanee long before I met her. Dying at the age of thirteen, she was too weak to eat anything but suck on chicken bones, and she was one of the first children in Cambodia to be put on life-saving ARV medication. She was then in the NGO Maryknoll where the founders of NHCC previously worked. Now she studies accountancy and lives with the deputy director of NHCC.

When I first met her I was greeted by a small, reserved nineteen year old, and was shocked by the sight of grey strands glittering amongst her black hair. This alone tells you that this is someone who has suffered. Luckanee was very quiet and you could see that she had built solid boundaries. With a different appearance from typical Khmer woman, she was dressed in baggy jeans and t-shirt. Much more familiar to me than the dressy outfits Khmer women prefer, I immediately warmed to her and resolved to try and get to know her.

The next time I saw her, Luckanee had came to visit NHCC with a friend, Bupa, a bubbly and confident girl, much the opposite to Luckanee.  Bupa was very keen to practise her English, and invited me to go to the river with them. We all went to explore the next village and Luckanee prided herself on being able to buy me a treat of crushed ice with syrup. While we were out, Luckanee and Bupa revealed that they were in fact partners. The honesty with which they told me shocked me as attitudes in Cambodia are not as open as other places and I was extremely impressed with their bravery. They were full of curiosity about attitudes in England, and couldn't believe that it could be so accepted elsewhere. I felt awful that a part of them had to be hidden and denied because of the society they had grown up in, and on top of all their other difficulties, this seemed very unfair. I did all I could to reassure them that it was not an infliction and that they should not worry too much about it. I was astonished and upset at the way they thought of themselves, and wanted to make things easier for them but there was very little I could do. All I could hope was that I'd given them hope that things would get easier.

Devastatingly, the next time I heard about Luckanee, was that she had been involved in an incident in Phnom Penh. A man she knew took her on his moto to a lake and raped her. He then took her to two brothels where numerous men raped her, and then tried to sell her. She only escaped by pretending to be unconscious and then running away. She was extremely lucky to be alive and free, and managed to get home safely. This was shattering news, and I didn't see her for a time after this. Distressingly, it was not even possible to involve to police due to the the high level of corruption within the government, so no justice was done. I couldn't comprehend how it must feel to be in a situation so horrific, yet not even feel safe enough to call for justice. It must be awful to have to carry on knowing that the perpetrators are protected by the government; the people running your country.

I did not hear from Luckanee until around a month later when she came to stay at NHCC for a week. She is extremely resilient, and had returned to college the following day, seemingly having put the whole event behind her. I spent a lot of time with her that week, and we talked about several issues important to her; she was very curious about England. An extremely tough young woman, she was understandably extremely guarded, but we got on very well, and I think she came to trust me a little. I wished that we had had more time together because we had a lot to say, and she was still very curious and jealous of attitudes in England.

It was during conversations with her, that I began to feel extremely self conscious about the simplicity and security of my own life, and the smooth path which I have been given. it seems so unfair that one generous and loving person should have so many obstacles placed in her way, yet I don't have to worry about anything significant. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for her, but she is extremely independent and will never admit that she needs anyone else.

The last time I met Luckanee was briefly in a group situation, and we exchanged promises to stay in touch, though this could prove a challenge due to the language barrier. I hope she's experienced her share of hardship, and she manages to achieve the goals she works so hard for.

Mangosteen               

A rare treat. The tough exterior can be sliced to reveal a bittersweet, mouthwatering white meat.

June – Ma Yey

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.”

Often older members of the community can be some of the most welcoming, yet some of the hardest to convince to change their ways. Meet Ma Yey Ngim (translated Grandma Ngim). She is a sixty year old Khmer woman who works as a cook for NHCC. Fourteen hour days, seven days a week earns her seventy dollars a month. Shocking, but she considers herself privileged to have a steady income. I live in her house and she is my cook; yet we have improved from her waiting on me, to her teaching me how to cook. I consider her acceptance of me as one of the most important because of the place she holds within society; respected for her age and wisdom. She became not only my teacher, but also my friend and family.

Many of the children in my house claim they love being here because of her: she is not only an excellent cook and extremely fierce bargainer, she will always go the extra mile to slip the children a treat or cook that something special for the new, homesick child. This is unusually accommodating for a Khmer, a nation where people are just told to ‘get on with it.’

As is the custom for all ‘barang’ visitors, when I first arrived, I would be waited on and served different food than everyone else. Feeling isolated by this, over several weeks, I persuaded them that I was comfortable eating the same food as everyone else, and by jumping up to grab my own food proved that I was capable of serving myself. This was a huge accomplishment as Ma Yey was unused to a ‘barang’ who wanted to be treated as an equal, although she still secretly slipped me extra fruit. When I refused, she would hide rogue mangoes under my pillow! Even though this constituted being treated differently, I could not help but accept these treats when administered with such persistence. She was evidently touched by my attempts to have identical treatment, but could not allow herself not to give me a little extra.

I was very impressed by how quickly Ma Yey learnt my name, and within a few weeks she had invited me to market with her. I was elated that she even considered taking me with her, and went along almost every week. She always managed to get me to carry her bags, though she would also discretely buy me a treat - usually grilled bananas or peanuts. These trips proved the start of an involved relationship, and I loved following her round firing her with questions about various ingredients. Fierce, she would fain irritation at my constant interrogation, yet seemed continually amazed at my interest.

After my partner left, I ate alone, until I was invited to eat with the Khmer staff. This was a huge step, and proved to be a turning point of my place within the community. From this time onwards I was allowed to assist with food preparation, cooking and cleaning like any other member of staff. Ma Yey was afraid that I would starve without a fellow foreigner to eat with, and reliably examined the quantities I was eating: If unacceptable I faced a severe telling off and her eyes wouldn’t leave my plate until it was clear. She had given herself responsibility of my welfare, and regularly inquired about my health, seeming to treat me like a daughter. I appreciated her concern, and relished my position as a member of staff.

At the beach in April, Ma Yey dismissively snapped a bracelet onto my arm, pushing away my protests at her gift. Many children and staff marveled at this gesture, as it is unheard of, and spent days teasing me about how I was Ma Yey’s ‘favourite.’ Buying me a present showed the love for me that she had, as wages here are saved to the last penny. I was extremely moved by her actions, and felt immensely privileged. A few months later she also gave me a leather ring binder, which was a huge things for her to do, and I knew how lucky I was to have someone like her looking out for me.

Whenever I leave the village Ma Yey disciplines me for not informing her sooner, tells me she will miss me and promptly sets about creating a snack for me to take. She always informs me when they are making my favourite food, ensuring I am present to eat it, and allowing me to help with preparation. In around April, I began to wake at four am in order to assist her in breakfast prepartion. These early mornings proved to be some of the most valuable time we spent together, when no one else was around. She told me about her family, and inquired about life in England, repeatedly questioning the bizarre lack of rice in our diet. I was also free to ask about Khmer culture, and these exchanges were forever fascinating. Should there be a morning where I was too tired to help her cook, I would simply rise with her and relocate my sleep to the kitchen, in order to keep her company. Everyone was surprised by the closeness of our relationship, and with the haste with which Ma Yey would praise and defend me. My pride at her opinion of me is beyond what words can describe; she makes me feel like part of a family.

Upon my departure, Ma Yey has promised to make a kilogram of my favourite dish for me to take home, and constantly expresses her distress at my departure. I will miss her sorely as we spend a great deal of time together. I feel I destroyed all her misconceptions of foreigners and allowed her to discover a great deal about the world. I think she would consider our friendship was fairly mutual, but I feel I gained so much from it: a loving parental figure, many new delicious tastes, new experiences (and some weight!) I once overheard her praising me to another staff member, and I had never felt so overwhelmed, I cannot believe she thinks so highly of me. I am absolutely in awe of her, she has complete power over all the children and most staff, yet they all love and adore her, and she boasts a stern exterior, which is hiding a benevolent inside. She understood me better than many, and was always there when i wanted a chat. I am still shocked at her whole-hearted ‘adoption’ of me, and feel she gave me so much, that I am unable to return. My thanks cannot be put into words.

Prahok

A small fish notorious for it’s bad smell gives name to a group of delicious dips, eaten with salad.

July – Marline

“There are two ways of spreading light - to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it”. edith warton

Shy and softly spoken, she cautiously approached me and introduced herself; Marline, newly hired education coordinator. My surprise was that she spoke English, and I had my first full conversation in two weeks. This was December, and Marline quickly became an especially important asset to the NGO, rapidly improving the lesson timetables. To us she was invaluable, acting as a translator, and this permitted us to work much deeper within the NGO.

In February, I decided that my new challenge would be learning to read and write Khmer, and I asked Marline if she would teach me. I was amazed and impressed by her dedication to helping me; as she patiently spent her every evening teaching me the basics. She was always encouraging when I despaired at the intricacies of written Khmer, and never lost her faith in me. Often our evening sessions would disintegrate into story telling, as Marline related her life experiences to me, and opened my eyes to the terror and pain of living under the Khmer Rouge. Several of her brothers and her fathered were killed, her mother was blinded and maimed, and Marline herself worked in a labour camp in unthinkable conditions. Gradually, as we became closer, Marline also began to confide in me. As the only English speaker, she feels very isolated within the Khmer staff, because they fear she will relate everything to the Western staff. Confused and worried she would ask my advice on whether to report certain events to the manager, possibly at her expense. Her loneliness and isolation became apparent, and I felt she saw me as her only confident, yet I was unsure of how to advise her correctly. Several times she broke down in front of me, practically unheard of in Cambodia, and although I comforted her, I felt increasingly helpless. Strengthening her friendship with me would probably increase her isolation and not improve the situation.

She began to spend her weekends away from the village, with her Goddaughter in the city. Unfortunately, though she invited me many times, I wasn’t able to accompany her on on one of these visits, and also never managed to visit her home in the provinces. I am very upset that this was never possible, because this would have shown me where Marline came from, and given me the opportunity to meet some very important people in her life. Marline became a invaluable friend to me during my time away; she was always provided the mangoes if I appeared for a visit, and often materialised at the door of my lessons with bags of goodies. Her unfaltering advice saved me much embarrassment in social situations as she painstakingly explained Khmer culture and traditions to me. No one person spent more time with me, taking care to ensure that I understood the people I lived with. Not least to mention the hours she devoted to teaching me Khmer, a skill that made everything so much more accessible. I regret only that nothing I can give her will make her feel more welcome and comfortable, and by leaving she loses a person she trusts. I cannot thank her enough for the time she has spent with me, every minute of it fascinating and intriguing. She was never to busy to assist me with a difficult child, or to translate work; all above and beyond her own workload. Terrified of being a burden, she would hesitate to ask for anything, though I would encourage her to ask my advice if she ever needed it. Everything she did for me was out of pure kindness, and she never expected anything in return. The written word is not strong enough to portray how much her dedication helped me integrate into the community, and form the relationships that I did, but I hope she knows how much I appreciate all she did.

Nom Pong Ansorng

Deep fried rice pastry, stuffed with mung beans and glittered with icing sugar. The sweet outside craftily disguises the savoury centre.

August – Lena

“They may as well have called the sun a ball of flaming joy”

A stealthy tug of my hair, a sly poke in the small of my back or a stifled giggle indicates that she is hiding somewhere nearby. Her mischievous laugh is infective and I quickly became addicted. Extremely bright, she always stands out in english lessons, but I didn't seem much more of her.

One day in February, in an English lesson, she was withdrawn and uncooperative, unlike her usual bouncy self. I asked her what was wrong; she refused to answer and from that day, went to great lengths to avoid me; hid if i came near, and refused to involve herself in English class.

Baffled, I had no idea why she'd reacted in this way, but decided it was important to give her some space. I left her alone, but evidently she couldn't hide her curiosity about me as I would often glimpse her watching me from a hiding place. If i caught her eye, she would immediately vanish. And so, for a time, I acquired an invisible shadow. I was touched that she found me so interesting, but still perplexed as to why she wouldn't talk to me. I researched her background to see if there was a plausible explanation; I found that she was orphaned at a young age, and bought straight to NHCC but there didn't seem to be any indication as to why she was acting like she was. She is an extremely intelligent, popular, mature young girl, who leaves a trail of sunshine behind her. I became concerned that there may be a reason for her reaction that nobody knew about, and tried to investigate further but nothing came up; it all seemed quite puzzling.

It wasn't until the annual beach trip in April that anything changed. Lena would dart up and hug me from behind, disappearing efficiently before I could turn around. Touched by these flashes of affection, I didn't react, and by the end of the weekend we had a photo together! This seemed like a huge step forward, and I was delighted, though still aware I needed to allow her to dictate our relationship.

Our relationship built from that day, and we spent quite a lot of time together. An extremely bright young girl, she was always asking me to teach her English, and we spent an increasing amount of time together, now that I felt comfortable to visit her. I still let her initiate any physical contact but she happily skips over for a hug, or a photo. We've spent many an evening dancing together, she loves to do my hair, and talk about me to her friends as if I'm not there. I treasure these evenings, she constantly keeps me on my toes, testing and challenging me at every corner.

Mature beyond her seven years, I feel privileged that she opened the door for me to enter her life. She has reached me in ways she does not know, and I now feel increasingly protective of her, and don't want anyone to hurt her, as she is very vulnerable. This cheeky, yet reserved, young girl has earned my respect in more ways than one, and I hope my departure doesn't hurt her too much, as she has expressed her distress at my leaving. Having placed her trust in me, I worry that she will be angry and keep herself from anyone else. I sincerely hope this will not happen, and that she goes on to achieve the things she is capable of. I am eternally grateful to her for showing me so many things, and letting me become a part of her life.

Nom Ban Xeo

Hours spent strenuously grinding rice and water into a paste, is worth it for this delicious treat, loved  by all. The paste is fried into soft pancakes, which are then stuffed with beansprouts and mince meat. Served with salad and a sweet, peanut sauce; the hard work always seems worth it.

19th April

Leo and I are just back from visiting Anya. We had a lovely holiday together in the jungle and at Lazy Beach and then spent a couple of nights at the Project. It was fantastic to see her. She looks great and is clearly loving it there, very settled in, speaking fluent Khmai, living with the children and really immersing herself in the whole experience. It is an impressive project and John and Kathy do a great job of providing a secure home and treatment (supported by Bill Clinton) to hundreds of children. There are many clusters, each with their own Cambodian carers. There are many volunteers, some for short stays and others like Anya - and Ruth and Steph - for longer which gives the children extra support. As there are so many of them it is really needed and the volunteers provide a vital role in providing play time for the children and the teaching. We joined the outing to the Wat for Khmr New Year which felt a real privelege. It is very exciting for the children to go out of the Project and we went with 30 or so children who hadnt been able to go home for New Year. We had a picnic at the Wat which has a festival atmosphere. There were wild monkeys and an elephant giving rides to local children. We climbed up to the Wat and paid our respects to the bespectacled Buddha who this Wat is dedicated to. Anya organsied games back at the Project for the children later on which they loved. Leo got quite attached to a couple of the children and they cried when he left. It was particularly hot by the time we got to the Project and I wondered how they all managed. The children are so uncomplaining and accepting. it made me realise how much we took for granted and how much adaptation I'd need to do to live there. The volunteers are all amazingly committed and have adapted really well. I hope the next four months are as exciting as these last ones have been! Julia (Anya's mum)

Some new photos have also been uploaded - click pictures and scroll down.

7th April

Julia and Leo have left to go to see Anya in Cambodia, they will spend two weeks there.

Newsletters have been sent out to a lot of people ... if you would like to be sent one then please email mgopfert@gmail.com with your address and I will pop one in the post for you.

In other news I wrote my first letter to Anya... it only took me four months. If you would also like to send her a letter then the address is on the right hand side of this page. Alternatively you can email Anya through the contact page of the website.

Max

19th February

We talked to Anya last week on Valentine's Day which is also some sort of festival day in Cambodia. The children all went to the Wat (a kind of temple) and we heard them all talking Khmai together!

I found out more exactly where she is - except that its not on any map we've got but for anyone who might know kampongspeu is the nearest big place and

27th January

Several more pictures uploaded.

24th January

I have got a cambodian mobile number 0085589661893. If anyone feels like ringing me you can buy phone cards (google iphone card) that call to Camodia quite cheaply.

19th January

We talked again to Anya this weekend in Phnom Penh using a phone card via China which is a great cheap way to make calls.
They are learning Khmer and enjoying a bit of city life. They have been house sitting for the Cambodian rep for a few days and enjoyed eating pasta and watching a bit of TV. They go to the markets most days, mostly the Russian one which is nearest the language college and are eating fruit they have never seen or heard of before.
They have met up with Ruth, a friends daughter form England and her friend Anna who are working for Outreach International at a different orphanage and will visit each others places.
Anya is going to try and visit the Cambodian Dance Project where the children who came to the Edinburgh festival in the summer came from. It is a project teaching children their traditional dances as most of the artists were killed during the Pol Pot regime. The project works with children in poor shanty towns and seems to have been a life saver for some of them. The ones who came to the UK just loved it and I wonder what it was like to go back - and also for the ones who couldnt come.
Julia

14th January

10th January

We have had more communication with Anya - on the phone the day before her 19th birthday when they were coming back on the bus from Thailand to Bangkok. She sounded a bit tired and as if they had an OK time on the island and beach hut in Thailand but it was all not as good as they had hoped for. We have not had details yet but it was lovely to talk to her and Vi, her (ex-childminder) and Tammy and Livvy, her 2 close friends from Wirral, back from university were here too which was great.
We celebrated her birthday here - and she apparently had a great day.
They are now back at the orphanage which she loves. We are also back able to communicate by email.
Anya has befriended a deaf child who cannot go to school and who nobody has had time to teach. She wants to try and teach her as much as she can and would appreciate any ideas of how she can do it. We looked up Khmer sign language which isnt very well developed yet but may be worth exploring more but I think also just any ideas about teaching children to read would be welcomed.
Anya and Vivienne will be going back into Phnom Penh on Monday for a 2 week language course. They will be staying at the OK guesthouse. On Tuesday, the daughter of a friend of ours, Ruth (another Ruth!) will be going to Cambodia to do a 6 month piece of work with Outreach International so we hope the girls will meet up.
and then when they go back to the orphanage they will move into the house with the children. Anya and Vivienne will go into Red Cluster.
Leo and I will visit her at Easter - their new year.
 
Julia

4th January

Six more pictures uploaded.

29th December

Four pictures up in the picture gallery now - click here. 

p.s. if anyone is wondering why the children in the Elves and Elephants picture don't look too Cambodian its because that is the ex-pat children - they did the same for the children at the orphanage as well.

20th december

im trying to upload photos, but no luck, sorry guys!!!

Email on 17th December

yes it is safe to swim in the river, got both your emails now. Kathy did warn us about pythons in the river, but not seen any as of yet.
The kids are mostly orphans, or have one parent who cant bring them up because of work demands, so cant give them the medication properly etcwe are possibly (me and vivian) going to move into one of the clusters with the kids, so were there all day all night and gert to know them better and help look after them, because we're apparently the first volunteers who haven't lived with kids and she thinks it would be better if we did. Its true were quite detached from the children, cos were in a separate cluster. There are probably going to be kids moving into the house next door though. This would be after we came back from language school and thailand. and then when we go to happy home, Ruth and Steph will come back and also move into a cluster.
All the kids love drawing. We are at the moment soprting out all their Christmas present,s. they each get a bag with some pens and paper/cuddly toys/stickers whatever, and then one main present which they got to choose. so some of them are getting ipods!!! (but not real ones). The younger kids get cars/kitchen sets. a lot of them have watches, but our house is packed, we cant move in it. It is especially hard after dark when youre trying to get around!

Letter to leo written on Dec 3 – highlights here

 I’m living in the NHCC village which is the same company I was going to be working for but the village is the place where all the healthy HIV positive kids live.
It’s a great place and all the children seem really happy most of the time. Each house holds 8 children with 2 caregivers for each house. The village is divided into clusters, which consist of 3 houses (8 children each) and a kitchen. Each cluster is painted a different colour – red, sunset, green, blue & lavender. Each week we eat with the children at a different cluster so at the moment we’re eating at a blue cluster. It’s rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner (although they gave me noodles this morning). This comes with chicken or pork barbequeued or they give you a whole fish (head and all and you pick the bits you want). Not sure you’d eat much! Normally some sort of fruit for pudding – sometimes apples, oranges or bananas or sometimes things I’ve never seen before. It’s all an experiment – you have to try everything once.

We get up at 5.30 every morning – electricity comes on at 5.15 and breakfast is at 6. The cooks all go to market every morning to get food as there are no fridges so no food can be kept long. We went with them to market last Sunday which was quite a scary experience. There’s live fish in tins for sale and meat is just on the table – like whole pigs heads. Didn’t buy much cos its overwhelming but we got some apples and tried coconut rice balls. You can also get bread there if you’re really sick of rice. We also get iced coffee (even though its against the rules).

There are 2 other project trust volunteers  -Ruth and Steph – both really nice.

Since we’ve arrived, they’ve split the nursery into nursery and preschool so me, Vivienne and the khmer dance teacher run the nursery from 7-9.45. ruth and Steph and the village chief run preschool from 7-9. Nursery was crazy. None of the children wear nappies so its hard to get them to the toilet on time esp as it’s a short walk away. Its good fun though and I want to learn some of the khmer nursery rhymes. After nursery its lunch at 10.45. the kids get back form school at 11 so we go a bit before then. After lunch pretty much the whole village goes to sleep because it’s the hottest time of the day. We either sleep or plan lessons. Yesterday we walked down to the river which is 2 mins down the road and sunbathed and swam. Then there are English lessons.

There are 2 other volunteers here for a month – Sylvie and Michael – so the work is shared out between us all. We spend some time watching them teach so we are learning how to do it.

Dinner is at 4.30 and electricity comes on at 5.40.

We have a dvd player and some nights have watched a film. We live in a house in an unused cluster and have our own bedroom, a double bed and I have a bright pink mosquito net. We dont have wardrobes yet but apparently Kathy and John will be getting us them soon. We dont have a kitchen but can use John and Kathy’s when they are away.

We even have a Christmas tree – just a little one that John and Kathy gave us.

If you can think of any ways of entertaining preschoolers please let me know – we’ll run out of ideas pretty soon!

The kids are adorable – you’d never know most of them had gone through more in their life than anyone should have to. Struggling to learn names though. There are a boy and girl both called Lily. Most of the girls have names beginning with sney which means girl.

At the moment it’s the coldest it gets – so its bearable but still hot, in muy opinion, though the children think its cold!

We entered on tourist visas which only last 30 days so we have to go out of the country before 28 Dec. We are hoping to go to Thailand. We’d be going by bus and it takes 2 days.

I handwashed my clothes for the first time after we swam in them and its quite hard work.

You have to sweep up your room every day because there are so many bugs. There is no malaria so we are not taking our antimalarials at the moment but will when we travel.

The local shop is just a table with some stuff on it like crisps and drinks and some things I haven’t yet identified.

The land is so dry there’s not many plants. There is grass though and random palm trees as well as banana trees next to where we eat.

Thgere are books here that other volunteers have left – so my life’s not over!  - but I’d still welcome any you might send!

Another project that Kathy runs is HIV widows who she employs to make quilts. So we have these as our covers – mine is purple with a dog on!

Due to lack of rooms we teach preschool outside which is impossible because the kids run off to their houses and the paper blows away and  there are no desks and chairs and the children don’t listen!

10th December 2008

Anya xxx

7th December 2008

Well although we sent letters to Anya to her wrong address one has arrived so they might get there if anybody sent letters to the wrong address - in future use the address below though.

6th December 2008

We received a text msg from Anya telling us that the address she gave everyone was wrong.

The right address is :

New Hope for Cambodian Children
PO Box 2490
Phnom Penh 3
Cambodia

So if anybody has sent any letters they won't arrive.

Really sorry - Anya was told the wrong address and only found out today.

30th November 2008

First email from Anya:

hi everyone!!!!!
sooo much to tell you i don't even know where to start. flight was long to hong kong andf didnt really sleep at all, but no problems changing to flight to phnom penh. got toursit visas to enter the country and got our luggage no problem. were met at the airport by a taxi driver called sam who bessy (our rep) had asked to collect us because she wasnt feeling too good. we then got to drop our stuff off at ok guesthoues and then got taken to bessys house. she wasnt there but her husband rupert and 2 year old daughter maddy were and he let us in and gave us a glass of wine, while he put his daughter to bed. then bessy came back and between us they gave us a briefing. they were sorry they had to do it that evening but they were both going away the next day, bessy home to honduras for christmas and rupert to lebanon for work. so they told us that the other 4 cambodian volunteers were coming into phnom penh tomorrow (saturday) and that they would show us round and buy us helmets. she didnt know times that they were coming though, so we had to wait around the guesthouse for them. then we got a taxi back to the guesthouse and fell asleep pretty much straight away.

28th November 2008

Received a text message from Anya: I'm alive and in Cambodia. Staying in a guest house tonight. No problems on plane apart from lack of sleep!'.

They went a different route to Cambodia (originially they were going to go via bangkok and mumbai but the situations at both of these cities meant that instead they went via Hong Kong).

24th November 2008 - 23.18

so i've spent the whole day packing, and still want to change my mind about whats in my bag! but am quite excited now, as well as apprehensive! my address for everyone to write to me at is:

New Hope for Cambodian Children
PO Box 2490
Phnom Penh 3
Cambodia

so hopefully ill be contactable there while im away!!!

so far I know that I'm living in Takhmau in the orphanage that I'm working in, next door to the children! my responsibilites will basically be entertaining the children, possibly teaching some English, and doing social work visits to children who live with their families!

anyway I'll tell you what I'm actually doing when I get there!!

17th November 2008 - 18.27

ok well I have no idea how to work this thing, but just so you all know. I am going off to Cambodia thurs 27th of november 2008 and will be there until 10th August 2009!!!

I have no idea how to make this into a blog so I'm just going to write on here and hope that it manages to keep everyone updated!!!